Cindrbck

Date: Fri, 11 Aug 2000 From: Erin Gieg Well, here's the latest...a long time in coming, if I do say so myself:)Special thanks to Robert for the storyteller idea and identity.Cinderbuck "Once upon a battlestar, there lived a poor orphan named Starbuck. Once cycle, he was adopted into a family, and suddenly, he had aFather, Adama, and a brother and sister, Apollo and Athena." The Storyteller paused after that last sentence to wrinkle hisnose in an expression of disgust. "Hey mister," a little girl with pigtails said, "Is Starbuck's newfamily bad?" "Yes, well, I'm getting to that," the man glanced at the childrengrouped around him. "Soon after, Starbuck discovered that his new family was of anevil sort, bent on tormenting him in any way possible." At that, a grown-up stepped forward from the wall, tapped thestoryteller on the shoulder, and whispered harshly in his ear. "Now,Baltar, this is rehab. If you're going to complete it and ever gain apardon, you'd better not scare the children. Keep it less violent,please." Baltar's lip pushed out in a childish pout, but he nodded hishead, then resumed the story. "They even gave Starbuck a new name; Cinderbuck." "That doesn't make any sense," a little boy spoke up. "Oh, but it does," and Baltar chuckled a tad fiendishly. "Starbuck had taken to napping in the fireplace because he was so tiredall the time; his new family was constantly piling more work on him." "Meanies!" "Yes, quite," Baltar said, and patted the child on the head. "Wait a cent! Fireplaces aren't allowed in the fleet," atow-headed little boy said. Baltar narrowed his eyes. "Well they had one." The boy wisely left that one alone. "Anyway, one cycle, the king announced that his daughter, PrincessCassiopeia, would be choosing a consort at a ball that he would behosting." "What's a consort?" "Um...kind of like a prince...yes, a prince. You know, happilyever after stuff," Baltar said, starting to sweat just a little. "Oh, ok." Baltar gave a small sigh of relief. "So Apollo began to order Cinderbuck around, keeping him busy withpreparations for his costume and such. Athena pestered Cinderbuck too,but that was only because she didn't want to be left out. The cycle ofthe ball finally arrived, and Apollo hollered until Cinderbuck camerunning. 'Do my hair,' he ordered." "I'm a warrior, not a hairdresser," Cinderbuck muttered under hisbreath. "Shut up," Baltar said petulantly and squeezed his eyes shut. "It's my story!" He opened his eyes again to see a ring of curious faces inchesfrom his own. "What?" "Who are you talking to?" "Um...no one. Where was I?" "Cinderbuck was going to do Apollo's hair," a little girl said,and giggled as her imagination got the better of her. "Right. So Cinderbuck did Apollo's hair just the way he was toldto...and of course, Apollo ended up looking quite hilarious." "Why?" "Well...because...because...um," Baltar sputtered. "'Cause it looked like this!" The little girl pointed to a posteron the wall. "Yes, actually, it looked quite like that," Baltar said. "Who isthat?" "Mr. McJolly!" "Oh, of course," Baltar said out loud, then muttered to himself."Bright red hair and happy meals. Disgusting." "Huh?" "Uh, never mind. Anyway, now that Apollo's hair was all done up,he was all set for the ball." "What do you do at a ball?" "Um, mostly dance." "That doesn't sound very interesting," a girl with pig-tails spokeup. "Yes, well, it was to them," Baltar snapped. The young girl promptly burst into tears, which caused one of theguards to step forward. "There, there," Baltar patted the girl on the head, and rolled hiseyes. The guard stepped back as the girl stopped crying. "There is usually food at balls," Baltar said by way ofappeasement. "Oooh," the children chorused. "Aaaanyway, after Apollo had left for the ball, Cinderbuck wasquite depressed. After a while, he began to notice that it was sort ofshiny in the front entrance, as if he had left a light on or something,so he stopped his pouting and went to investigate." "What did he find?" "I'm getting to that," Baltar said crossly. Then, not wishing tocall the wrath of the guards down on himself, he continued quickly. "When he reached the entrance, Cinderbuck found that he hadn't left alight on after all. (Which was quite a good thing, you know, becauseAthena would get quite upset if there was wasting power floatingaround. She fancied herself a planet-mentalist [author's sidebar - notto be confused with environmentalist, which sounds not near sointeresting and sci-fi-ish].) Instead, he found that there was astrange being in the hall, reflecting the night-lights. 'Hello, who are you,' Cinderbuck asked. 'I am your Fairy Siress Cylon.' 'I didn't know Cylons came in Siresses. Are you a new model?' 'That is beside the point.' 'Oh, well then, isn't that a long and unwieldy name?' 'I can wield this blaster just fine. If you don't stop askingpointless questions, I will use it on you and that will be the end ofthe story.'" At that point, Baltar looked up at the guards again, sure onewould interrupt him, but as none did. He concluded that thisstorytelling business really was quite mesmerizing and made a note tohimself to remember that technique for later escape attempts. Then,seeing all the anxious young eyes fixed on him, he continued his tale. "'This must be a new model,' Cinderbuck said to himself, 'as itcan say contractions. I wonder if they have put an emotion chip in it.(tee hee).' Then to the Fairy Siress Cylon, he said, 'Well then what are youhere for?' 'I am here to aid you in attending the ball.' 'O how wonderful!' 'Yes, quite. Now, you can't go looking like that.' Cinderbuck looked quite wounded. 'I'll have you know that this is my favorite outfit. It's worn inand comfy.' 'Whatever. You still can't go looking like that. This is a ball,after all.' 'Hey, that rhymes,' Cinderbuck giggled." "The hero can't giggle," a little girl said sternly, shaking herfinger at Baltar. "Excuse me," Baltar said. "He chuckled then, is that better?" "Yes." And the girl sat primly back down. "Anyway, Cinderbuck was just thinking about what he should wear tothe ball. 'I wonder what I should wear to the ball.'" "You said that already!" a few voiced chorused in impatience. "Not exactly," Baltar sighed. "Moving right along...Cinderbuckhemmed and hawed so much that the Fairy Siress Cylon got very annoyedwith him, (as if she wasn't already). She decided that she'd justpick some clothing for him. 'I'm not going to wear that! I'll look silly,' Cinderbuck said. 'I did not ask if you liked it. You can wear this...unless you'dlike to pick something?' 'Well, I don't know...' The Fairy Siress Cylon looked at him and said, 'Or else.' 'Oh, ok, sure...um...I think just a nice simple suit would bewonderful.' 'Presto,' said the Fairy Siress Cylon, and a very dashing suitappeared, rotating in mid-air. 'Presto? That's so unoriginal,' Cinderbuck said, then went onquickly, 'I guess I'd better put in on, huh?' 'Yes, you'd better. And be quick about it.' Cinderbuck grabbed the suit roughly and headed off to change. 'And don't crease it.' 'Yes, ma'am.' He returned back fully dressed (thank goodness) and started tohead out the door. 'Where do you think you're going?' the Fairy Siress Cylon asked. 'To the ball...' 'Not yet, you're not. How do you think you're going to getthere?'" "Yeah, how is he going to get there?" one child asked. "I'm getting to that," Baltar said (oddly, with no trace ofannoyance). "I still wanna know what's so great about balls...food or nofood," mumbled one little guy. Baltar chose to ignore that one. "'Um, not by !SuperBike!, I hope. Those episodes didn't go overtoo well. Bad memories, you know.' 'You humans are so picky.' 'Okay, fine, whatever you can pull up,' Cinderbuck shook his headin resignation. 'Presto,' said the Fairy Siress Cylon, and a nice equine-drawnhover sled appeared (Outside the door this time, you know how smallhouse entrances usually are.), without the equines, naturally." "Mr. Baltar, why didn't you just say hover sled instead of sayingit was equine-drawn with no equines?" Baltar frowned; he hadn't thought of that. "Never mind that, I just felt like saying that. You can't changea story partway in once you've said anything. All the listeners willjust get confused!" "Oh," said one child, looking quite confused himself. "Humph," Baltar said. "Anyway, 'Quite nice,' Cinderbuck said. 'Glad you like it.' 'Uh, but where are the equines?' 'Warriors these cycles have no patience. Try and learn that traitquick, or you'll have lisping cucumbers pulling your sled instead ofequines!' 'That's scary,' Cinderbuck said, shivering. 'Patience. Right.' 'Presto-the-sauce-without-the-pasta-oh-wait-that's-the-wrong-brand-it's-Prego-anyway-I-want-some-equines-for-this-over-rated-hover-sled-so-give-'em-to-me-now!' Cinderbuck stared at the Fairy Siress Cylon with wonder in hiseyes. 'I didn't know that Cylons had it in their vocorders! Bravo!' 'Well thank you,' the FSC said." (Okay, it's a lot of work typing out that whole title every time,so I won't any more!) "What do you mean you won't? This is my story and if I want thattitle in there, then by Crais I'll have it even if you have to typeit!" (Is that so? Who do you think is typing your words, anyway, hmmm,Baltar?) "I don't care! And who is Crais, anyway?" ( Haha! You don't know, do you?) "Would I have asked if I did?" (That's because it's one of my famous obscure crossoverreferences, and I put it in there. I can make you say whatever I want! Get over it.) "Well I never!" (That's just peachy, Baltar. You'd better get back to your story. The children are a little weirded out by the vacant look on your facewhile you're talking to me.) Baltar shook his head, then his eyes focused again. A group offaces were staring at him, inches away from his nose. "Are you ok?" "Just peachy," Baltar started, then scowled. "So a bunch ofequines appeared." "Were they white?" a little girl wanted to know. "Sure, yeah, they can be white." 'But I like black better,' Cinderbuck complained. 'You'll have white,' the FSC said. 'Sure, no problem.' Anyway, now that Cinderbuck was all outfitted with new duds andtransportation too, he was all set to go to the ball. 'Now you can go,' the FSC said with a wave of her fairy blaster. 'Yes, ma'am,' Cinderbuck headed for the door. 'One thing. You have to come home by midnight, or you will turninto a pumpkin.' 'Huh? I thought that the hover-sled would turn into a pumpkin! Isn't that how this usually works?' 'I make up my own rules.' 'If you say so.' 'Ok, you're right, everything that is magic will disappear atmidnight.' 'A Cylon with a sense of humor, now that's just plain scary,'Cinderbuck shook his head, then walked outside, got in he sled, andoff he went to the ball. * Cinderbuck arrived at the ball in style, and everyone noticed. There was much whispering and glances thrown his way as he walked tothe ballroom. 'Ouch!' "You big baby," Baltar said, and wrinkled his nose in disgust. 'Am not!' Baltar decided to let that one go for fear that the story wouldnever end. (It has to eventually, you know.) "At any rate, as Cinderbuck arrived, Princess Cassie noticed. Since she loved to dance, she hustled on down from where she had beensitting and asked him to do just that. The pair danced all night. Cinderbuck didn't step on Cassie's toes once. 'You're such a good dancer,' Cassie said. 'Why, thank you!' Just then, the timepiece started to chime. It was midnight! 'So?' " Baltar rolled his eyes. "How soon we forget our kind Fairy SiressCylon, hm? 'Oh, right,' said Cinderbuck. 'And what is it I'm supposed toremember, again?' "Midnight." 'Oh!' Cinderbuck gasped and pulled away from Cassie, who waslikely wondering how sane this catch was. He ran out of the ballroom,down the front staircase, into the hover sled and zoomed off towardhome, leaving Princess Cassie staring after him. In his haste, healmost ran over the poor equines as he'd put the hover sled into hypermode. (The equines are just for effect, after all.)" "Mister, what about the Princess?" "I'm getting to that," Baltar said. The cluster of faces gathered a wee bit closer. "So Cinderbuck arrived at his 'home sweet home' sign just as thebells ceased their ringing, and immediately, everything magicalvanished. He rushed inside to get some clothes on." * A few cycles later, Princess Cassie was knee deep in reports. She'd begun a search the morning after Cinderbuck had disappeared onher, using an aged photo of him. (Okay, so that's a little over thetop. No time for photos. Hm. Ok, how about a hair sample? Ah yes,that's it.) Cassie had teams scouring thecountry...er...battlestar-side, equipped with DNA scanners that wereset to match with hairs that she had found on her dress shoulder. Herteams had searched every town, every house, except for one. (Hm, guesswhich one that was...)" "Cinderbuck's!" a couple of excited children bounced up and downslightly. "Yes, you're right," Baltar smiled. "Cassie was called in forthis one, since they'd tried all other options; this had to be it. Sheknocked on the door, and Apollo answered. 'Yeah, what do you want?' 'This can't be where he lives. They seem very rude here,' Cassiemuttered. Then, louder, 'I am here looking for someone.' 'Oh, is that so?' Apollo opened the door and stuck his head out. 'Oooh, Princess Cassie! Come in, please.' Cassie decided that this fellow was a little too phony for herliking, but took him up on his offer. DNA tests were done on each person in the house -- even Adama, butno matches were found. 'Oh no,' Cassie lamented, 'this was my last, best hope (we're nottalkin' peace here...). Is there no one else that lives here?' 'Well...' Athena said reluctantly. 'Where is he?' Cassie asked, her eyes narrowing. Athena tossed her hair and left the room, returning a few centonslater with Cinderbuck in tow. Cassie knew right then that he was her prince in shining...Armani,but she waited patiently for the DNA test to confirm it. It did,naturally." "Yay!" a host of small voices cheered. "And Cassie and Cinderbuck were soon sealed and lived happily everafter. The End." "Really? Ever after?" "How long is that?" Baltar groaned and shook his head. THE REAL ENDErin GiegMy Webpage: http://www.connect.ab.ca/~giegabyte/index.htmlBattlestar Galactica Fanfic Archives:http://www.oct.net/~red/piper/index.html